Dirty vs. Messy

Being dirty and being messy are not the same thing.  I don't know if I quite qualify as a clean freak, but I'm certainly not one who likes things dirty.  I am the first to admit that, while I grew up in the country, I'm happy to be a city girl now.  There's plenty of great things about the country* and I still love to go back home whenever we can, but I've also grown quite accustomed to the conveniences of urban living and am thankful for those things too.

I digress.  The point of this post is that as a parent there are a lot of things I will have to learn to let go and being dirty is one I just can't quite get my arms around yet.  I still cringe at the thought of taking you to the beach.  When we go outside and you pick up pieces of grass and touch the bricks on the side of the building, it kills me to see you then put those same hands in your mouth only a few seconds later.

A few days ago I took you to a local Starbucks that has a small swing set so you could play.  You had lots of fun in the swing and then I let you get out and walk around in the grass.  You picked up every dead, crispy leaf you could find, and tried to put them all in your mouth.  And I stopped you.  Every time.

Eventually you discovered what fun the wood chips under the swings could be and it took every ounce of restraint for me to allow you to have your fun.  But I did.  And you did.  You sat in the wood chips, getting your clothes covered in debris, and picked up handful after handful of wood chips and had a ball doing it.  And I died a little inside.  But I let you play to your heart's content, or at least until there was no more keeping them out of your mouth (no longer just a cleanliness factor here, those are choking hazards, give me a break).

However, I'm not a complete prude.  I want you to explore and learn and enjoy yourself too.  And I realized I just do that in different ways.  While it kills me to see you play in dirt and grime, I allow you to make a royal mess of your food pretty much whenever you want.  Food is messy, not dirty.  I don't have to worry about things going in your mouth that shouldn't because it's FOOD!

And I think that is what kills Daddy a little bit.  He can't understand how I could possibly let you get so messy.  When he feeds you he wipes your face and hands and the high chair tray after every few bites.  If he walks in the room after I've let you have your way with avocado he is horrified at the condition of his little girl.  I guess it's just a difference in how we go about things.  And that's okay.  (As long as he doesn't let you get dirty, of course.)

*The thing I miss most about the country are nights.  There is a darkness in the country that you will never experience in the city.  A quiet stillness that is indescribably peaceful.  A crisp, clean chill in the air.  And my most favorite thing of all is looking at the stars in the country.  I am thankful that we finally live in an apartment where we can actually see the stars from home, but it doesn't compare to looking at the stars from the backyard at my parents' house.